Cry Little Sister

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There’s always one person in your life who makes you evaluate your path, ensuring you’re living the life you truly want to live. For me, that person was a particular girl who had been in my life for a very long time. In fact, my eye has seldom strayed from her and the pedestal I, and others in our families, placed her on.

Then she turned up pregnant at nineteen. Upon refusing to confirm the identity of the baby’s father, most people assumed it was someone in a high-ranking power position in her life. Whether the position was scholarly or professionally remained up in the air. The situation almost ruined the perfect fantasy I had built up around her.

The spoiled princess fell from her ivory tower and disappointment came at her from every which way on the way down. I was sad at the revelation, but I also couldn’t fathom not having her around. Besides, my father would turn over in his grave if I turned my back on my little sister. With everyone pushing me to leave her behind as a fuck-up who ruined her life, she simply became more appealing to me.

They should never have expected the delinquent of the family to shy away from the forbidden fruit being kept from him.

She was having a hard time shortly after having the baby, a son who she devoted her life to from the moment they placed him in her arms. It was an experience I’ll never forget as my mom and I were the only ones willing to be at her side during the process.

A nurse snapped a picture with the four of us in it, assuming I was the father and my mom was the grandma. She didn’t realize this girl was only my step-sister, the youngest daughter of the woman who derailed my mother and father’s marriage.

Mom and I never set the nurse straight, the details were unimportant and all that mattered was Julia didn’t go it alone through something so traumatic.

In the months following Ty’s birth, I noticed her trying so hard to be the single super-hero mom doing everything on her own. I saw her getting more and more exhausted as her weight dropped and the circles under her normally pristine skin began to darken.

So, I stopped in one afternoon and insisted, “I’m family, let me give you a little break. You’ve been going non-stop for six months now, Jules.”

She was hesitant to even let me hold him, but her resolve was weakening and eventually, she put her son in my arms. Resigning herself to the fact she couldn’t do and be everything for this kid, no matter how much she wanted it was difficult for her.

I was great with him. I got him laughing and squealing in delight at my antics as Julia watched us with the nervous gaze of a first-time mom.

“See, he’s fine with me,” I said as she pushed her hair behind her ear and bit her lower lip. “Just two guys hanging out being bros, right little man?”

Tyler squealed and laughed in delight as I bounced him in my arms.

Julia furrowed her brow but acquiesced and left her son in my care while she allowed herself the time to sit and soak in the bathtub for the first time since she had him.

Julia is the girl I can’t push from my mind.

When my dad left my mom, he became Julia’s stepfather and brought her into my life as something more than a forgotten acquaintance following the failed friendship of our mothers.

She became my sister.

We only interacted with each other when my mom forced dad to take me for a weekend, whether he wanted to or not. Julia’s mom saw me as nothing but a delinquent growing up. She didn’t want me to rub off on the sweet little brunette honor roll student who she forced into a protective tower. So, my weekends with dad were often camping trips or overnight trips to other cities nearby.

At least, they were until Julia got wind of our adventures and became jealous. Jules raised such a stink that her mom finally caved and allowed me to sully her home with my presence rather than allowing us to take Julia with us on our adventures; after all, we were guys and we couldn’t be trusted.

It didn’t take long before I figured out the sweet little brunette honor roll student was something of a secret delinquent herself.

I took the blame for her on quite a few occasions. If I didn’t her mom would have blamed me anyway — meaning I would get punished for not only being a deviant but for lying about it and trying to ruin her daughter’s perfect image as well.

Julia was both dumbfounded by my willingness to take the fall for her, and appreciative I didn’t rat her out. I didn’t have a choice, though, as the alternative was never seeing her or my dad again.

Her mom was psychotic, and if anyone was contributing to Julia’s delinquency, it was her. She put an insane amount of pressure onto a literal child so she could appear to be the perfect mom to outsiders.

After dad died, Jules and I grew closer. We even developed the sibling bond we’d missed out on by growing up together but separate at the same time. Her mother hated it, but we bonded over the loss of my father. Considering her own Etiler Escort father died shortly before she was born, my dad was the only dad she ever knew.

Since having Ty, Julia and her mom were going through a rough patch. The embarrassment of the college dropout who got knocked up and wouldn’t name the bastard child’s father hung over their relationship.

I was standing in her kitchen with her six-month-old son, dancing around to make him laugh while I made some pasta and she practiced a little self-care. I knew Julia hadn’t had a real meal in a long time. She had an apple here, a bite of a sandwich there, but she didn’t slow down for herself.

On that day, I was seeing to it she did.

She had a towel wrapped around her and her hair bound up in an old t-shirt when I turned around from the stove, “You’re cooking while you hold him?!” she snapped as she rushed over towards us.

I held him away from her and dropped the spoon back into the sauce pot, “Stop, Jules. I’m being careful. He’s not going to get hurt — I promise.”

Tyler started to tear up and I resumed dancing around the kitchen with him, getting him laughing, then I grabbed Julia’s hand and twirled her with us. A deep scowl contorted her usually soft-featured and smiling face. I started singing as we danced together and her scowl softened but the stiff muscles remained.

I guided her over to the bar and sat her in a chair then returned to making dinner for her as Tyler began to suck on his hand. I looked down then looked back to Julia, “Alright, mom, you’re up, I don’t have the equipment he’s looking for,” I said with a laugh as I handed him off to her.

She started to get up and I stopped her, “Stay and talk to me while I finish up dinner, I won’t look,” I said.

Julia nodded and I turned away so she could feed Tyler in private without being alone, “Do you still hate olives in salads?” I asked.

“Yeah. You… you made a salad while holding him?” she asked, an obvious panic in her tone.

I laughed, “No, I’m about to make a salad though. Cooking with a baby in my arms is one thing. Handling a knife around grabby baby fingers is another.”

I let everything simmer together for the last few minutes while I threw together a simple salad for us and pulled the bread from the oven. I could feel her watching me and, as much as I wanted to look and sneak a peek while she fed her kid, I kept my word and my gaze remained focused on the stove, at least mostly.

“How did you do all of this while holding him?” she asked, sounding incredulous at my feat.

“I was the oldest in my family. I know you were the youngest in yours, but I grew up helping my mom with my younger siblings. It becomes second nature after a while,” I said as I glanced back, not trying to catch her exposed, just forgetting it wasn’t a normal conversation momentarily.

I blushed as her tit was on full display while she swapped her son to the other side. She was looking down at him and I looked away, but I’d be lying if I said the trickle of milk on the nipple she switched from wasn’t arousing to me.

I pushed it from my mind. She’s a mom, she’s nursing, it isn’t a sexual thing and I shouldn’t be making it into one. That perversion is all on me.

I started prepping the table and had everything plated and ready right as the little man fell asleep. I went over and got him from her as she covered herself back up, “You go sit at the table and eat while I put Ty to bed. I’ll be right back out to join you, okay?”

She nodded, a dreamy look on her face, “It smells wonderful,” she said.

I smiled and took Tyler down the hall to his nursery. He was out — a milk coma. I turned on the baby monitor and brought the receiver back out to the table with us. Julia looked ravenous as she savored every bite of the spaghetti and meat sauce, “This is so good, Derry,” she said as she looked up at me.

“I’m guessing it’s been a while since you had something home-cooked?” I asked.

She nodded, “I haven’t had time to cook lately. I’m still trying to find a job that will let me work around my mom’s hours so she can watch him for me and no one wants to budge on it. The money your dad left me is running out and I’m stuck. I don’t know how to work around all of it and still be a good mom to Ty.”

My brow furrowed, “Have you reached out to my mom?”

She stopped eating and looked at me, a certain nervousness was evident on her face, but I dismissed it, “No… Why would I reach out to your mom?”

“You’re family and she runs a daycare. Plus, she’s still on me about settling down and having kids of my own. She’s desperate for grandbabies and my siblings and I are not delivering.”

“I can barely afford to keep things going here right now, I can’t afford a daycare for Ty,” she said.

I laughed, “You’re family, Jules. Mom’s not gonna charge you for watching Ty. She’s going to beg you to bring him by more often for the opportunity to take Fatih Escort care of a baby with a familial connection to her — even if not direct family.”

She started eating again and seemed deep in thought, “You think she would?”

“Want me to call her and ask now?”

Julia shook her head, “Tomorrow maybe? I have an interview at ten… if… if I can find someone to watch him for regular business hours I could actually have a shot at landing the job.”

“I’ll call in the morning and ask her. In the meantime, eat. You look like you’ve been starving yourself,” I teased.

She lifted her fork and pointed it at me, “Because I have been, to a degree anyway. I didn’t know this would be so hard and I don’t know how other moms do it.”

We finished eating and she insisted on doing the dishes. I let her, but I helped dry and put them away. Then I grabbed her hand and started singing and dancing around the kitchen with her again.

She smiled and I felt the tension easing in her body. She was relaxing for the first time in months, most likely. We danced over to the couch, where I sat down and pulled her down to the floor in front of me.

“Sit here for a minute,” I said as I put my legs on either side of her, “let me give you a massage so you aren’t all stiff and uptight at your interview in the morning.”

She put her hand on mine and looked back at me, “Why are you always the one reaching out and taking care of me? My actual family sees me as the disappointment who got knocked up by a mystery man, then dropped out of college — why do you look past that?”

“Jules… I’m the delinquent remember? I’ve gotta make it look like I’m corrupting you so your mom will blame me for being a bad influence on you. She can’t accept holding you under her thumb made you crave little tastes of rebellion instead of keeping you prim and proper as she wanted,” I smiled as she pouted.

“You were never a delinquent Derry,” she said.

“Pot… pot… E… condoms… dirty magazines… pot… heroin… pot… E…,” I said as I looked up to the ceiling, “Yeah, I was the delinquent.”

She tugged my hand, “Why did you take the blame for me?”

“Because if it was you who got caught with that shit then your mom would’ve had the proof she needed to show my dad I was a bad influence on you. Dad would have had to choose between me and your mom. Regardless of what choice he made — I’d never get to see you again. Don’t tell my other siblings, but you were always my favorite,” I said as I rubbed her shoulders.

She shrugged me off of her and got up, “I need to check on Ty.”

I sighed and leaned back on the couch as my fingertips rubbed my temples. What a dumb thing to admit to. We were less than a week apart in age and I thought it was awesome. I had a little sister who I could talk to and be real with without having to dumb shit down or baby her because she was so much younger than me.

Our moms both hated us being so close in age. They had been friends for a long time before we were born. They even still had photos from their joint baby shower which offered a ‘future wedding’ theme for me and Julia while we were in utero. Kinda gross.

As Julia and I got older, and my dad left my mom for hers, I think her mom was afraid I’d be a real teen delinquent and fuck around with Jules.

But, damn, I had some morals as a teenager. I could appreciate that my step-sister was amazing and gorgeous without needing to cross any boundaries with her. Why my mom hated us being so close in age? I didn’t know, but I’ve long suspected it had something to do with my dad cheating on her. Part of the reason I never thought I could act on my feelings with Julia was the little inkling in the back of my head which told me my dad could also be her dad.

When Julia came back out, she had on a nightshirt I bought her for her sixteenth birthday. It was big on her at the time and I laughed when I saw it, “Oh my god,” I said, “You still have that thing?”

She tugged on it, it was much tighter — particularly around her breasts — and shorter than it used to be, and shrugged, “It’s still my favorite thing to sleep in.”

Julia climbed on the couch with me, “Are you going to stay the night?” she asked.

“Do you need me to?”

She nodded and I smiled, “Then I’ll stay the night.”

I held my arms open and shifted on the couch so she could climb in front of me and I could hold her, “Movie?” I asked.

Julia shook her head, “You figured it out, didn’t you?” a noticeable tremble to her voice as the words escaped her.

I played dumb, “Figured what out, Jules?”

“Who Ty’s dad is,” she said as she looked up at me.

“I have a theory.”

“Who’s your theory?”

I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Someone who knows he’s never touched you like that.”

She wiped a few tears from her eyes, “I’m sorry,” she said.

I held her close to me and repeated my earlier question, “Movie?”

She Halkalı Escort nodded and I reached for the remote, flipping through the options until we landed on Labyrinth, our favorite movie growing up. I pulled her to me and breathed in the scent of her shampoo — honey and jasmine, as always. She clung to my arm and I closed my eyes.

I was the delinquent, but she was the one who paid a girl to sleep with me and bring her back the, apparently non-spermicidal, condoms we used. Ty wasn’t an accident and I wish I’d figured it out fully on my own.

The girl Julia paid dumped me right before Ty was born. She said it was too weird when I doted on Jules and I didn’t get why at the time. I wrote her off as crazy because she was jealous I was taking care of family, not going to clubs and shit like she wanted.

I didn’t put it together until mom got a baby picture of Tyler and put it in the corner of a frame that held a baby picture with me and Jules together — from when our moms were still friends and didn’t hate each other.

When the pit of uncertainty in my stomach became unbearable, I called my ex up and begged her to tell me what she knew. She told me everything. She called Jules a crazy incestuous cunt and I went off, defending my step-sister while trying to process the notion Ty was my kid. At the same time I was outright denying my sister could do something that underhanded and manipulative.

But thinking about the way Julia looked at me since Tyler was born… like she was constantly on edge, just waiting for me to find out and hate her. Yeah it made me question it enough for me to have a buddy who worked pediatrics at the office Julia took Ty to do a DNA test when Ty went for his six-month check-up. I should’ve asked if it showed any signs pointing to “more than average” familial links, but I wasn’t ready to know that much yet.

Julia moved in her sleep and my grip on her tightened. “Jules,” I whispered.

She stirred and moaned a soft, half-asleep, “Hmm?”

“Can you tell me why?” I asked.

I stroked her hand as she looked at me, “I didn’t have a reason,” she replied.

“I don’t believe you. You know it’s going to get out in time. Someone is going to notice. When it does they’re all going to assume I either manipulated you, seduced you or… or even forced you, and I haven’t touched you like that, ever.”

She nodded, “I’ll tell them what I did if it gets out.”

“They will think you’re trying to protect me. You tried to take the blame for the heroin dad found in my room… I got sent to rehab for a drug I didn’t even use, and had never used. You got chastised for being an enabler by trying to take the fall.”

I moved my hand up to her cheek, caressing her, “Please tell me why?” I asked her.

Tyler started crying and I clenched my jaw as I let her up from the couch. I waited a few minutes then went to Tyler’s room and watched her change his diaper, then pat his back and rock him until he fell back to sleep. She put him back to bed and came to the door with me.

She tried to push past me but I grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the wall outside of our son’s bedroom.

My lips were right beside her ear, “Tell me why,” I said as my grip on her wrists tightened, giving away the slight anger I held for the situation.

Her breath caught and she spoke in a strained whisper, “Because I knew you’d be there for him even if you never found out he was yours. Because I trust you. Because… because… everyone tried to keep us apart and I hated it.”

She lifted her head and looked at me, neither of us were hiding the glossy sheen of tears threatening to fall from our eyes, “I’m sorry, Derry. I… I’m a fucking mess if you haven’t noticed and I’m so sorry I dragged you into this against your will, but I love our son and I love you,” the catch in her voice made my tears flow first.

My grip on her wrists softened and I pulled her to me, embracing her in a tight hug as she cried hard on my chest. We sat down on the floor and I held her to me, “I’m not asking you for anything,” she whispered between wracked sobs. “You didn’t ask for this… it was my choice… he’s my responsibility and I will take care of him and I don’t expect you to… to interrupt your life because… because…”

My hand stroked her hair down her back, “Shhh,” I said as I soothed her.

Her sobs gave her hiccups as I patted her back and held her. I looked in the door to Tyler’s room, he was fast asleep in his crib. I weighed out my options from this point forward in a two-second thought. I didn’t take the time to process before saying the thought out loud.

“We could both save some money by moving in together,” I offered.

“There’s not a third bedroom?” she said, choked in sobs.

“I can sleep on the couch. My place is a studio, I sleep on the couch there too.”

“You don’t have to… you shouldn’t feel obligated. You didn’t have any part in creating him, not really, I mean,” she said.

“Yeah, I’m kinda disappointed in that, actually,” I said as my gaze searched her face for any hint of disgust at the insinuation.

She leaned up beside me, her lips hovered over mine and I let her connect us in a soft kiss. I didn’t pull away, but I didn’t kiss her back either. Her lips stuck to mine as she pulled away. “Me too,” she whispered.

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